An Introduction Gone Horribly Wrong
by YogaForever
Summary: Chris Thorndyke only wanted to interview Sonic for his school paper. He wants Sonic’s real name, but Sonic has other ideas. *One-Shot/Challenge*


_Dedicated to Matt, who challenged me to do this in the first place._

_And special thanks to Lord Kelvin, who challenged this story's format and called it pseudo-prose, as Kelvin'll notice, it remains completely unchanged spare for an unsightly grammar error. _

An **Introduction** Gone Horribly Wrong

_By: Sweet Valentine Vampire _

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person."

"Aw, it's nothing."

"No, I mean it. I can't believe you would do this - just for me. Just for my school newspaper! You know the SSH Tribune is gonna be sold out because of this interview."

"SSH?"

"Station Square High - Um, my school."

"Oh. Okay. Cool."

"Yeah. Look, I just can't get over how cool this is. It's really nice of you to do this."

"It's no big deal. For serious, man. I'm just any guy off the street."

"You're not just any guy! You defeat Dr. Robotnik on a _regular basis_. You're a _hero_."

"Heh, heh, heh. Thanks, man. But, if I was such a hero, wouldn't Robotnik be locked away by now?"

"I was gonna ask you about that."

"You were?"

"I might just be a High School Freshman, but I'm also a hard-hitting reporter. I'm not afraid to ask the hard questions, you know? Like, where do you live? How do you afford food and shelter if you don't have a real job? Why DON'T you lock away Robotnik - are you secretly working with him to get attention? . . . Why don't you wear clothes?"

"Wow. Can't wait to answer all those."

"Yeah, I know, right? Anyway, let's start the _real_ interview. I'm just gonna start my tape recorder now, okay?"

"It's cool with me. Is it on?"

"Yup. Everything we say now is recorded. Forever."

"Heh, ominous. So, what's the first question?"

"Let's start simple. We'll do introductions. I'm Christopher Thorndyke, of Station Square High Tribune, People's column. It's March fourteenth - a Monday. I'm here with - -"

. . .

"_Say your name._"

"Oh. Sonic the Hedgehog."

"Right. Okay. Now that _that's_ out of the way. First question; What is your real name?"

"Um, I just introduced myself. Heh. Remember? Sonic the Hedgehog."

"Now, am I really supposed to believe that? Is Station Square High supposed to believe that? Everyone wants to know where you came from, what you do in your spare time. Everyone wants to know the real you. Like, say, your real name."

"Okay. It's Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog."

"No, no, no. That's what the public knows you as. That's your proverbial stage name, right? What's your real name?"

"Sonic."

"How about we start over? Just say your real name like you're introducing yourself, so it feels natural. I'll even go first, if you want?"

"There's nothing natural about - -"

"Hi, I'm Christopher Thorndyke. What is your name?"

"Yo, Chris-man,"

"Christopher."

"Whatevs. Name's Sonic the Hedgehog - get it straight and don't you forget it."

"Your REAL name."

"My real name is Sonic!"

"Oh, so your parents really named you Sonic?"

"Yeah. They did."

"How'd they know you were gonna be a super-sonic hedgehog before you were even born? Hmm?"

"They named me after they saw how fast I ran."

"Babies can't even walk until they're at least 18 months old."

"I'm special."

"You must be special. _Special needs,_ if you think I'm gonna buy that 'my name is Sonic' boloney."

"Nice. You're really professional, Chris."

"Your name makes no sense!"

"Why are you named Christopher, Chris?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Why are you named 'Christopher?'"

"I'm not following . . ."

"Surely, there must be a reason."

"Not entirely, and you're just trying to change the - - !"

"Answer the question!"

"My mom named me Christopher 'cause she thought it sounded nice, okay?"

"So, why can't we assume my ma thought 'Sonic' sounded like a swell name for a kid?"

"Because who in the hell names their kid 'Sonic?' Especially a kid that _happens_ to have the ability to run at sonic speed?"

"Coincidence, my dear Watson."

"Huh?"

"Co. Ints. Uh. Dents. It means 'by chance' - you know, unrelated events? Who's special needs here, eh?"

"Please. You can't compare a name like Christopher to a name like Sonic."

"Why not?"

. . .

"You're really irritating me, Chris. Are we done with this? 'Cause I'm _this close_ to ditching the ol' inner'view. You want me to stick around, you better move on with the questions."

Chris audibly cleared his throat.

"Alright. I'm sorry. Let's just erase that whole thing."

"How long does it take to freaking rewind, huh?"

"Well, it's done. Anyway, we're starting over. After I finish introducing myself to the tape, please introduce yourself. S-say whatever you want for your name, though I'd really prefer,"

"Alright, Sonic it is."

"_God._ Okay, we're recording . . . Now. _Hi_. This is Christopher Thorndyke, reporting for Station Square High Tribune's People's column. Today, I'm interviewing a renowned local hero. Mr. Hero, why don't you introduce yourself?"

"Hey, all. My name's Sonic the Hedgehog. Maybe you've heard of me."

"Alright, so Sonic . . ."

**END.**

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A/N: This is a story for a one-hundred theme challenge I'm doing under my good buddy Matt's orders. This would be the first theme, 'Introduction.' Personally, I've always been intrigued by the format of having two characters converse without words outside their punctuation marks. You have to completely absorb a character through their spoken words only. It truly is like listening in on a conversation, in the sense you feel less involved - you don't know what the characters are thinking and there is no room for the author to insert the characters paranoid thoughts or feelings.

This piece uses the above described format. This is not a climatic piece. There is no 'aha' moment. It is simply a moment in time. Not every moment in time will be climatic, nor will every moment be particularly exciting. Hope you found it entertaining . . .

If you do not like this work, far be it for me to tell you you're wrong for disliking it. Tell me what you didn't like. If you did like it, tell me how I can improve. Of course reviewing at all will be appreciated.

Lates Mates,

Sweet Valentine Vampire


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